Body issues – mainly my issues around how men seem to think it’s okay to comment on how I’m looking, wearing, or feeling whenever the hell they want were covered in my last blog. It’s as if men think we are programmed to listen and accept feedback – positive or negative – whenever they want to air their views. Like we have no sensitivity. The Diplomat, who I profiled in my previous blog was a serial offender and our relationship ended badly.
Average Ben
Body comments-wise, Average Ben (AB) my case study #2, was even harsher in tone and detail than the Diplomat. But he intrigued me, and yes, I can be a hypocrite if passionate sex is a possibility.
I met AB on Tinder and he seemed charming and nice. Oh, and he is tall with a hot body (ripped abs etc) and is beautiful. He is, what I call a “halfie”- Chinese and British – but looks more Asian. Although he’s lived in Bangkok for almost 8 years, he refuses to speak Thai.
He’s well educated with an international accent that I got to hear a lot as he made comment, after comment, about my body and personality – shit was he The Diplomat version 2.0?
In a cab from a rooftop bar in Thonglor to a nearby restaurant, he creepily grabbed my legs and said that I had thick legs. I was like???? Okay, maybe I’m not his type but little did I know that he’s actually into thick legs (pro-tip always ask, you never know).
At one bar, a Thai girl walked by and politely said ‘Ek-cute-me’ (how excuse me sounds with a Thai accent sometimes) and AB made fun of this, and her. Her brushing me was no big deal, but AB kept on talking about her, and why a pretty like her was spending time with an older dude.
He assumed she was a “Pretty,” what we call a part-time model, as seen in car shows, condo promos, and other marketing gigs where sexy women are hired to catch the eyeballs and drag in potential customers (male mostly).
I thought he was quick to jump to conclusions and stereotype her – frankly, he pissed me off and I didn’t like the tone of his ‘looking down on her’ type comments. I mean, I could make fun of a guy’s dick, his bad dress sense, stinginess, or lack of personality to his face, but I don’t because I don’t like that shit being done to me – it’s just plain rude.
AB’s toxic comments and judgement was a turn off. As I think I mentioned earlier, if you’ve got nothing nice to say STFU (please). While AB and I did ‘hook up’ in the biblical sense – I couldn’t resist the abs – I usually go for men who are more humble and respectful than the hottest guy in the bar or club.
And I’m not just saying that to sound politically correct, my preference is based on years of dating and meeting many interactions with men.
Personality and kindness go a long way in my books – don’t get me wrong, I love teasing, laughing at myself and my imperfections, and joking around, but if it crosses the line to rudeness or hatefulness I am running for the door.
